"I was determined I wouldn't have sex with him or anybody who treats me the same way he did."

👤 Anoymymous Female, 23, Heterosexual
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Illustration by Kim Herbst

 
 

We'd been talking for two months when the day finally arrived. We went out for a meal as usual. The difference was that when we were saying goodbye, he asked if he could come to my room. “Can I not go home yet? I want to be with you for a little longer.”


I knew what was going to happen. I was ready. And I said yes. As soon as we reached my place, he started touching me – unbuttoning, undressing me until there was nothing left on my body - exploring every part of me the same way I did to him. Just when he was going to put it in, I noticed he was not wearing a condom.

 
 

Kim Herbst

 
 

“Where's the condom?”


He paused, confused.


“I don't have one. Well, it's better without it anyway.”

“What? What if I get pregnant?” I asked.

“No worries. I can pull out or you can just take the pill after, you know.”


Hearing what he said, I got really upset. I was determined I wouldn't have sex with him or anybody who treats me the same way he did. He planned to have sex with me, and came all the way to my place, but he intentionally didn't carry a condom, and told me with a poker face that I should deal with it by taking the pill? Seriously?


He continued trying to put it in. He pushed, I resisted. It went on for a while until he gave up, stopped pushing me, and decided to finger me instead.


Well, even though he didn't put it in, it still hurt because it was my first time. All I could feel was pain. It didn't feel good at all. I told him to stop. He then turned to the other side, started jerking himself off and went to take a shower right after without looking back at me. He didn't care to ask if I finished or if I wanted anything. Clearly, he didn't think it was his job to care.


This person is selfish. I couldn't stop thinking about it.


After he left, I admitted to myself that I regretted what I did with him. There was nothing memorable about my first time. It wasn't anything near feeling good; forget about orgasm. I was left with disappointment.


Maybe it's just me thinking too much, but that first time led me to avoid having sex.

I don't want to risk being ill-treated by anyone and end up having to cope with it by myself.